Weak.

Everyone has their own strength. From what I've know (and experienced), I don't have much. I rely on other people. When something bad happens, when an obstacle turns up, I seek other people. For their strength. And comfort. I've always thought I am an optimistic. Filled with positivity. Well, I do, but at times that I really should, I don't.

I always though that I am a happy and bubbly person. But when I fail to do something, I fall. Hard.Maybe its normal. Its just that I am not accepting it. Still in denial. Hoping that if I didn't say out loud, it won't come true. Or at least I thought so.

Then again, from these things we rise. It takes time, but hey, if it isn't hard, nobody hates failure anymore.

But I still do.

Less by one.

Today, I had a dentist appointment in the morning. I had mentally prepared myself, that she is going to remove two of my lower wisdom teeth and the jab will hurt a lot.

Wrong answer.

She removed only one today. Its the easy one. For the other one that requires surgery, next week. Oh god. And the easy was upper, the latter the lower. And I was mortified. I was nervous, shaking, shivering. And I could hear my heart thumping : THUMP THUMP THUMP. So loud that I felt that the people around me can hear it.

She gave the jabs. I was afraid, so I squeezed the assistant's hands tightly. It hurts slightly, and that's all. After a while, I could feel my cheek expanding. She tested by poking it, I said I could feel the pressure AND a slight pain. She said if I still can feel, I require more jabs. I said no.

Wrong answer.

It hurts. And she was, I don't know, cracking the tooth? I could feel it! So I got a total of 4 jabs. Great. So 4 tight squeezes for the assistant. Haha.

So now, my cheek is still swollen, and my gum bleeding. And I'm hungry, and I can't bite. I am so desperate that I had to suck on little crumbles of Chispmore to feed my appetite :(

Nope, Not Mine.

Its quite a common scene where the younger siblings are taller or bigger than the eldest. Since I am the youngest, I get to be tall one. Well, I wouldn't call myself bigger than my sister really. Since I am taller, obviously I have longer legs and arms to be in proportion with the rest of my body.

And my sister is one small person. I currently stands at 5 feet 3, and she stands slightly over than 5 feet. We weighs the same. We have almost similar sizes of clothings, only my shoulders are bit bigger than hers. It doesn't make much difference because we usually swap clothes. As for pants, we can wear each other's. But definitely not jeans. She has shorter legs :p

But my mom doesn't see all that. She still gets mixed up with our clothes, randomly putting whichever she thinks belong to us. What's worse: panties. I assumed they all look the same to her ( obviously). So what I did to clear her confusion is to point out which ones are mine.

I told her that mine are the plain coloured ones. A simple one colour panty. And then she pulled one from the pile of clothes. " So this one is not yours right?" she said. I looked at it, and said, " Its mine la mummy." Then she continued lecturing me, even suggesting me to label my own panties so as she won't mix them up, bla bla bla. Why? The one that she pulled out was grey, with pink edges and a ribbon. So much for plain. -.-

Dreams We All Have

The other day I was talking with him about our dream house. And then I realised, I have a lot of dreams. :/ Really, if and only if I have all the money in th world, oh my. My house will be gorgeous. Then again, you have to work hard for them. Meaning you'll appreciate things more, especially free things (?).

Anyway, what I really want is a big kitchen. I love baking, so a big space will be great. I want an island table in the middle of the kitchen, and maybe electrical stoves on top of it and a small sink to go with it. Thing is, when I bake, I like to prepare the ingredients earlier and measure them, and then proceed to put them into individual bowls. I have this annoying tendency to arrange them in front of me, because if they're not, I'll panic and most probably misplace them. Trust me, I did -.-

And then, bedrooms! I want them to be cosy and comfortable. Not necessarily expensive, but cosy is a definite yes. Want it to be calm and soothing, a place I can relax my mind, and my body. Mmmm..

I saw this in an ad a few years ago. Its called Rain Sky if I'm not mistaken. Fix it to the ceiling, (idk how) and then turn it on. It feels like rain! :D Okay, a bit ridiculous, but still, its nice right?

Oh and oh, I want a jacuzzi! By the window pleaseee. So I can have a nice relaxing bath with all the soft candles and fragrant bath oils and see the shining stars at night..total bliss.

I'd like a bench swing too, and a nice garden with rabbits scampering about between the jasmine plants, and a fish pond. Oh and big plush sofa sets with thick carpets that you have to wade as you walk on it, and cold marble tiles, and a spiral grand staircase, and this huge circular rattan bed with a mattress on it, and a hammock, maybe two, and a fireplace. Fireplace? In Malaysia? Well, I just want the place. Without lighting the fire please :)

Okay, that's a long list -.-

Fresh Cuts

On the 13th Oct 2010, was my anniversary with him. It marks a year of us being together, and honestly, I felt our relationship wasn't that long. Still could remember how we became friends, and how we first met and stuffs like that. I remembered that while we were in UIA's orientation, he kept asking me to meet up, but I have always and always rejected his offer.

Not because I was nervous, but I haven't worn a scarf in quite awhile ( UIA requires their students to wear scarves ) and so it was crooked everywhere. It wasn't much help that the scarves provided were starchy and really hard to manage, it won't bend as it should be, and it isn't flattering either.

We finally met after that, and things went smooth sailing after that. Our friends kept trying to give ideas about each other, to me and him. And when we finally did declared, they were estactic and also relieved, and some were even like " bukan dah lame dah ke?/ Weren't that some time ago?"

And I was ever glad to agree to be his, because then I realised, he brings out the best in me, and let me experience things I never did know. We're complete opposites, but then again opposites attract right? Insya Allah, if god willing, I want to be in that special place in your heart and your mind, until the end of everything. Amin.

Btw, I cut my hair. Okay terpesong. Hehe. But look! The lady was a darling, she gave me layers to soften my face. At first, it still looks long right?

Chin up, and ta-daa! How angles can manipulate right :D

Okay kan? :)

Finale

Raya ends. :(

So for the finale, I had 3 open houses. One in Puchong, one in SS19, and one in Subang Bestari. So you can imagine how big my tummy was by the end of the day. Masuk rumah Mira pun dah tak larat. :( What I did at her house, was instead or raya-ing, karaoke-ing. Seriously. With all the dances and shakes, and shouting with all my might -.- After all those, my voice was breaking and I'm sticky, but my spirit was still up? Sigh, tulah hyper sangat.

Its leaving.

I love raya period. Its where people invite you to their houses, you get to meet old, current and new friends, and you get food. If you're lucky, it comes with duit raya too :D But raya is almost leaving, this Saturday, and its already a Monday! :( An end to it. Sigh. But! I have two open houses on that day itself. Macam closing camtula. Hehehe so kene makan puas puas. Sepuas hati. Kemestian!